On the hunt again: I mentioned to Bill-the-Honeybear recently that it seemed to me my boss didn't want to communicate with me. He cancelled our usual Tuesday morning status meetings -- not all at once, but every week on Tuesday morning, about an hour prior to the meeting -- and wasn't looking to give me things to do. Still, as a consultant, you go with the flow; sometimes there's work, and sometimes there isn't.

About an hour ago, I got a call from my contact at Kelly Services. My current contract expires on June 29, and she told me that Ethicon, when asked, said they weren't renewing it.

It's not the first time I've been let go from a job. And God knows I'll have been here for 7 1/2 years of a six-month contract, with two different contracting firms. But the initial shock is still the initial shock.

I now have to start looking, at age 55, for a new job. Bill-the-Honeybear hasn't held in job in over 7 years himself, and he's never been inclined to actively look. Right now, I'm numb, I'm scared, I feel sick to my stomach. My boss -- how convenient is this? -- is in class all this week, and on vacation all next week. At least Kelly Services has asked me for an updated resume so they can start looking for another position for me.

But how am I going to pay my bills? How am I going to pay the mortgage on my house? How are we going to eat? What resources am I going to have to tap for money?

I just don't know.