"I stink on ice." I got that phrase from my accordion teacher when I was a boy (only he would say "you stink on ice"). It means that whatever you were doing, you were doing it just so badly that not even ice would preserve you. Well, it applies to me this evening. I went bowling for the first time in three weeks, and my scores could charitably be called abysmal. The only thin thread of hope I can cling to is that at least my score in each of my three games was over 100.

Why am I bowling for the first time in three weeks? Because four weeks ago, I was out shopping at Staples, carrying around one of those red plastic baskets that you use when you're not going to buy enough to justify using a cart. I put one black ink cartridge and three reams of computer paper, with the basket on the floor. Then I picked up the basket -- quickly. Yes, I felt the strain in my arm, and I said to myself "damn!" But the pain went away, and I didn't think anything of it.

Until the bruise appeared. In glorious Technicolor -- purple, green, and some odd in-between shades of the two. Just appeared one fine morning, a week later. So I went to the doctor. She felt around, asking if I felt any pain (which I didn't). She bent my hand backward and forward, had me press against her hand, had me make a fist. She found the pulse, good and strong. And I had had my quarterly blood tests not long before, and nothing looked suspicious there. Then she asked me if I had picked up anything heavy recently. Bingo!

She explained that I had probably popped something in my arm that started some bleeding, but it was so far within my arm that the bruise didn't appear until now. Having ruled out everything else, she concluded that the bruise would go away in time, but if I felt any pain or had any motion problems, I should come back.

Now this was Tuesday, and I bowl on Wednesdays. I figured it wasn't a good idea to go bowling and put strain on the bruised arm, so I stayed home. The bruise wasn't gone by the following Wednesday -- it was slightly smaller, but still colorful -- so I stayed home again. But the bruise disappeared over the weekend, so tonight I was back bowling.

Maybe I should have done a few practice games first. Next time -- if there is a next time -- I will.